People have become appallingly dishearteningly rude lately by flaking on plans day of, night of, even hour of. It’s sad to me because it means that we A) have little respect for another’s time and energy, B) that we’re lazy, or C) we're over-scheduled. Either way, it sucks!
Where are the consequences? We give others *passes* on their flakes because we want the same courtesy returned when we inevitably do it to them. I’m fully guilty of this. “Oh! It’s OK… I get it!”.
A few weeks back a nerve was hit when 10 women flaked bailed within hours of an event I was hosting. The following day a close friend cancelled on our trip out to Palm Springs an hour after we were supposed to leave. Two days after that another friend cancelled on dinner because a better opportunity arose. The Universe was doing the running man on my last nerve trying to get me to see something.
I thought, there MUST be CONSEQUENCES!!! Some of these bitter ideas ensued:
1) I’ll stop inviting those people to dinners and events.
2) I’ll put our friendship on ice.
3) I’ll give them a piece of my mind and make them cry.
Ahhh! But anger and tit-for-tatting are rarely the solution. I had to find a way to feel from compassion. Weeks later an idea came: If a friend wants to flake, s/he needs to offer a solution.
“Hayley, I am totally overwhelmed and can’t make it to desert. I’m going to call, change the reservation and it’ll be on me when we do go."
“I have food poisoning so I can’t come, but how’s about I take you for a drink on Thursday to make it
up to you!”
“I can’t make it to the non-circle tonight for no great reason, but I promise to come next time and bring your favorite cake.”
Flake if you really must, but make it up to the person affected by your decision